Rants about life

I think I won’t be able to master Japanese or motivate myself to learn it without having actual interaction with a person who speaks Japanese (which is sad). anyhow life has been really hard for me lately and I have no option left but to think about life and question my very existence(NSFW). Yes questioning life and your very existence is the stupidest thing you will ever do(or I did w/e).

So here I am trying to motivate myself out of the self inflicted misery. How wise am I? I have asked this to myself plenty of times, I don’t quite get it, how do I know, how wise a person is?
Blah too many questions with no answers.

For now I will just think positive and not worry about life and its quirks.