I have no clue what to do anymore, Things I used to like aren’t fun anymore, Everything seems boring and similar, youtube, facebook, online content is getting repetitive now, I tried picking up a few things which I used to be interested in, but after some inspection it turns out I am not truly interested in them now, I want to do X but it fades away, I have an urge to do X but at the end of the day I reach a valley of not doing anything.
I have noticed that my day starts with having certain peaks, by the end of day all of them are gone.
Was I truly interested in them or was it a manifestation of my mind?
What next? I have no clue. What now? I have no clue.
Never in my life have I felt so confused, all the emotions right now are so intense, I am more aware about everything around me, perversions of varied intensity are happening around me, I have accepted everything as is. All of this is because of practicing meditation.
My desire to own things, have relations with people is slowly fading away. My prejudices seems to be melting, I am more open now.
I have no clue what’s happening to me.
I don’t know if it is a revelation or not (it is for me atleast) to anyone but I think I now know what Yoga is about.
To be in the state of meditation is to activate and use your Right Brain, To be in the zone to draw/other creative activities is to use your right brain.
From what I have experienced after practicing Yoga (Philosophy) is that, It helps you in making shift to R-mode(Right brain mode), which will result in all the fun stuff (longer period of concentration, happiness, bliss).
And now I think about It, maybe Yoga is all about being forever in the state of Right brain or maybe the ability to make a shift to right brain without necessary preconditions (being alone, no voices (as that activates Left Brain)).
For the thing is Right Brain activities are experiential thing, which are hard to describe using words, maybe that justifies all the obscure yet experiential things that are described in Yoga books (Patanjali Yoga Sutra)
Funny thing is old folks (Patanjali and his likes) knew this and since there was no way to know that brain has two parts (at that time) one which dealt with Speech and other with Visual stuff, they made their own conclusions.
I don’t know if it is true or not, but I have a strong feeling it is.
I know now what life is about, I know now what yoga is about, I know now what art is about. I know now what meditation is about. I know now what kundalini is about. I know now what enlightenment is about. Life has never been so clear to me.
I am not enlightened or anything, but I had the most profound experience of my life, time slowed down and everything became crystal clear, after I read something in a book.
I cannot put it into words, it is a thing to experience.
(without substance abuse)
Last year I promised myself I won’t back off from opportunities, chances that come knocking. I am happy to say that I am living upto that.
Recently I met a girl via an online dating site, one of a kind (that’s what they all say right? well not quite) Intellectual, rational, girls you rarely come across, anyhow point is she was very far away from where I lived and relationships require a connection which online shit doesn’t help with., online stuff just doesn’t work out, she might think I am an idiot for pursuing her for so long but I guess it all goes back to the promise I made to myself, “Never to have regrets”.
Anyhow if you ever come across this post I am sorry.
I have given up on finding love online, maybe life is better alone. who knows.
Another shitty rant by a guy with no social skills, Life is Hard.
So long since I last wrote, Nowadays I am learning electronics (making things and theory), hope I will be able to get good at this, Not much happening nowadays.
I am using http://falstad.com/circuit/ for circuit visualization and I am learning from http://www.talkingelectronics.com and Two books I have bought https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Electronics-Inventors-Fourth-Scherz/dp/1259587541 and https://www.amazon.com/Art-Electronics-Paul-Horowitz/dp/0521809266/
I will keep you posted about things I make.
It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old, they grow old because they stop pursuing dreams. – Gabriel García Márquez
via Dreams… — La vie en rose🌹
I have decided to work on learning maths and learning reverse engineering.
So right now I am watching MIT OCW courses ( MIT_18.01, MIT_18.02 and MIT_18.06) for improving my mathematics knowledge. (all this to attain my final goal of completing a much promised project with requires linear algebra as it deals with computer vision.(hand signs 😀 )).
Along with this I am also working on improving my RE Skills so I will be reading through following books in no particular order
- Game Hacking: Developing Autonomous Bots for Online Games
- (Addison-Wesley Microsoft Technology Series) Johnson M. Hart-Windows System Programming-Addison-Wesley Professional (2010)
- (Software Security Series) Christian Collberg, Jasvir Nagra-Surreptitious Software_ Obfuscation, Watermarking, and Tamperproofing for Software Protection-Addison-Wesley Professional (2009)
- (The Addison-Wesley Microsoft technology series) Mario Hewardt, Daniel Pravat-Advanced Windows Debugging-Addison-Wesley (2008)
- (The Morgan Kaufmann Series in Software Engineering and Programming) John R. Levine-Linkers & Loaders-Morgan Kaufmann (1999)
- Alfred V. Aho, Monica S. Lam, Ravi Sethi, Jeffrey D. Ullman-Compilers – Principles, Techniques, and Tools-Pearson_Addison Wesley (2006)
- Bruce Dang, Alexandre Gazet, Elias Bachaalany-Practical Reverse Engineering x86, x64, ARM, Windows Kernel, Reversing Tools, and Obfuscation-Wiley (2014)
- Jeffrey M. Richter, Christophe Nasarre-Windows via C C++ (Pro – Developer)-Microsoft Press (2007)
- Peter van der Linden -C++ Expert C Programming – Deep C Secrets. -Prentice Hall (1994)
- Steven S. Muchnick-Advanced Compiler Design and Implementation. 1-Morgan Kaufmann (1997)
- Tarik Soulami-Inside Windows debugging _ a practical guide to debugging and tracing strategies in Windows-MS Press (2012)
Just including the list of books for my own reference in case I forget 🙂 later.
Thanks to all the people who read my blog, provided critique and underwent extreme mental torture (making sense of my writing) as English is not my first language and I suck at it.
I want to thank all of you for being so awesome and bearing with it.
(I think we need to thank people more for all the little things they do in life to make others happy, appreciation does wonders)
Thank you again
With love from India
(PS lud in Bulgarian means insane and in Hungarian means goose)
The quote that always keeps me going. 😉
And for the icing, here’s a picture of my nephew.
Often I am asked about how I am so focused, productive and active, and I always tell people how easy it is to be focused, productive and active, You just gotta do “The most illogical thing to do” at that moment.The key here is to not listen to your body, instead forcing your body to do the opposite. (Obviously this won’t work in every scenario, but you can apply this in almost every situation where you feel angry, sad or lazy).
Easy three step process
- First think of how you are feeling right now, Is it sad, angry, lazy.
- Think of the most illogical thing you might want to do
- Just do it!
- Assume you are feeling angry, what you would feel like doing is getting angry on someone, using profanity or beating someone up, so the most illogical thing to do is not do either of these, you gotta force your brain and your body to not give in to anger.
- Second scenario, Assume it’s early morning you don’t want to get out of bed, you body tells you to relax and let time pass, don’t listen to your body, do what’s the most illogical thing, get up, storm the front, exercise, take shower.
There are plenty of similar scenarios in my life where my mind tells me to do things, but my body won’t cooperate, so I force it to cooperate.
At first your body will be like “No, this won’t happen, not in my reign”, but if you keep at it, It will soon obey all your wishes. Our body wants to be lazy, don’t let it have what it wants, you need to deprive it of comfort and push forward like there’s no tomorrow.
It took me months to master this process, But I am loving every bit of it.
This along with few religious rituals (religious rituals as in things you must do every day , like finishing something before you go to sleep.) will boost your productivity.
PS: Read Deep Work @ Amazon, it is a lovely book. thought don’t take in as is, adopt what you like, leave rest of the stuff out.