Lost

I have no clue what to do anymore, Things I used to like aren’t fun anymore, Everything seems boring and similar, youtube, facebook, online content is getting repetitive now, I tried picking up a few things which I used to be interested in, but after some inspection it turns out I am not truly interested in them now, I want to do X but it fades away, I have an urge to do X but at the end of the day I reach a valley of not doing anything.

I have noticed that my day starts with having certain peaks, by the end of day all of them are gone.

Was I truly interested in them or was it a manifestation of my mind?

 

What next? I have no clue. What now? I have no clue.

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Life

Never in my life have I felt so confused, all the emotions right now are so intense, I am more aware about everything around me, perversions of varied intensity are happening around me, I have accepted everything as is. All of this is because of practicing meditation.

My desire to own things, have relations with people is slowly fading away. My prejudices seems to be melting, I am more open now.

I have no clue what’s happening to me.

 

Art, Yoga and Right side of the brain

I don’t know if it is a revelation or not (it is for me atleast) to anyone but I think I now know what Yoga is about.

To be in the state of meditation is to activate and use your Right Brain, To be in the zone to draw/other creative activities is to use your right brain.

From what I have experienced after practicing Yoga (Philosophy) is that, It helps you in making shift to R-mode(Right brain mode), which will result in all the fun stuff (longer period of concentration, happiness, bliss).

And now I think about It, maybe Yoga is all about being forever in the state of Right brain or maybe the ability to make a shift to right brain without necessary preconditions (being alone, no voices (as that activates Left Brain)).

For the thing is Right Brain activities are experiential thing, which are hard to describe using words, maybe that justifies all the obscure yet experiential things that are described in Yoga books (Patanjali Yoga Sutra)

Funny thing is old folks (Patanjali and his likes) knew this and since there was no way to know that brain has two parts (at that time) one which dealt with Speech and other with Visual stuff, they made their own conclusions.

 

I don’t know if it is true or not, but I have a strong feeling it is.

I know now what life is about, I know now what yoga is about, I know now what art is about. I know now what meditation is about. I know now what kundalini is about. I know now what enlightenment is about. Life has never been so clear to me.
I am not enlightened or anything, but I had the most profound experience of my life, time slowed down and everything became crystal clear, after I read something in a book.
I cannot put it into words, it is a thing to experience.
(without substance abuse)

 

Moving forward

I have decided to work on learning maths and learning reverse engineering.
So right now I am watching MIT OCW courses ( MIT_18.01, MIT_18.02 and MIT_18.06) for improving my mathematics knowledge. (all this to attain my final goal of completing a much promised project with requires linear algebra as it deals with computer vision.(hand signs 😀 )).

Along with this I am also working on improving my RE Skills so I will be reading through following books in no particular order

  • Game Hacking: Developing Autonomous Bots for Online Games
  • (Addison-Wesley Microsoft Technology Series) Johnson M. Hart-Windows System Programming-Addison-Wesley Professional (2010)
  • (Software Security Series) Christian Collberg, Jasvir Nagra-Surreptitious Software_ Obfuscation, Watermarking, and Tamperproofing for Software Protection-Addison-Wesley Professional (2009)
  • (The Addison-Wesley Microsoft technology series) Mario Hewardt, Daniel Pravat-Advanced Windows Debugging-Addison-Wesley (2008)
  • (The Morgan Kaufmann Series in Software Engineering and Programming) John R. Levine-Linkers & Loaders-Morgan Kaufmann (1999)
  • Alfred V. Aho, Monica S. Lam, Ravi Sethi, Jeffrey D. Ullman-Compilers – Principles, Techniques, and Tools-Pearson_Addison Wesley (2006)
  • The.IDA.Pro.Book.2nd.Edition
  • Bruce Dang, Alexandre Gazet, Elias Bachaalany-Practical Reverse Engineering x86, x64, ARM, Windows Kernel, Reversing Tools, and Obfuscation-Wiley (2014)
  • Jeffrey M. Richter, Christophe Nasarre-Windows via C C++ (Pro – Developer)-Microsoft Press (2007)
  • Peter van der Linden -C++ Expert C Programming – Deep C Secrets. -Prentice Hall (1994)
  • Ritchie-Kernighan-The_C_Programming_Language_2_ed
  • Steven S. Muchnick-Advanced Compiler Design and Implementation. 1-Morgan Kaufmann (1997)
  • Tarik Soulami-Inside Windows debugging _ a practical guide to debugging and tracing strategies in Windows-MS Press (2012)
  • harbison-s-p-steele-g-l-c-a-reference-manual-5th-ed

Just including the list of books for my own reference in case I forget 🙂 later.

Thank you all

Thanks to all the people who read my blog, provided critique and underwent extreme mental torture (making sense of my writing) as English is not my first language and I suck at it.

I want to thank all of you for being so awesome and bearing with it.

(I think we need to thank people more for all the little things they do in life to make others happy, appreciation does wonders)

Thank you again

Regards

lud

With love from India

(PS lud in Bulgarian means insane and in Hungarian means goose)