I have no clue what to do anymore, Things I used to like aren’t fun anymore, Everything seems boring and similar, youtube, facebook, online content is getting repetitive now, I tried picking up a few things which I used to be interested in, but after some inspection it turns out I am not truly interested in them now, I want to do X but it fades away, I have an urge to do X but at the end of the day I reach a valley of not doing anything.
I have noticed that my day starts with having certain peaks, by the end of day all of them are gone.
Was I truly interested in them or was it a manifestation of my mind?
What next? I have no clue. What now? I have no clue.
Never in my life have I felt so confused, all the emotions right now are so intense, I am more aware about everything around me, perversions of varied intensity are happening around me, I have accepted everything as is. All of this is because of practicing meditation.
My desire to own things, have relations with people is slowly fading away. My prejudices seems to be melting, I am more open now.
I have no clue what’s happening to me.
I don’t know if it is a revelation or not (it is for me atleast) to anyone but I think I now know what Yoga is about.
To be in the state of meditation is to activate and use your Right Brain, To be in the zone to draw/other creative activities is to use your right brain.
From what I have experienced after practicing Yoga (Philosophy) is that, It helps you in making shift to R-mode(Right brain mode), which will result in all the fun stuff (longer period of concentration, happiness, bliss).
And now I think about It, maybe Yoga is all about being forever in the state of Right brain or maybe the ability to make a shift to right brain without necessary preconditions (being alone, no voices (as that activates Left Brain)).
For the thing is Right Brain activities are experiential thing, which are hard to describe using words, maybe that justifies all the obscure yet experiential things that are described in Yoga books (Patanjali Yoga Sutra)
Funny thing is old folks (Patanjali and his likes) knew this and since there was no way to know that brain has two parts (at that time) one which dealt with Speech and other with Visual stuff, they made their own conclusions.
I don’t know if it is true or not, but I have a strong feeling it is.
I know now what life is about, I know now what yoga is about, I know now what art is about. I know now what meditation is about. I know now what kundalini is about. I know now what enlightenment is about. Life has never been so clear to me.
I am not enlightened or anything, but I had the most profound experience of my life, time slowed down and everything became crystal clear, after I read something in a book.
I cannot put it into words, it is a thing to experience.
(without substance abuse)
It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old, they grow old because they stop pursuing dreams. – Gabriel García Márquez
via Dreams… — La vie en rose🌹
Thanks to all the people who read my blog, provided critique and underwent extreme mental torture (making sense of my writing) as English is not my first language and I suck at it.
I want to thank all of you for being so awesome and bearing with it.
(I think we need to thank people more for all the little things they do in life to make others happy, appreciation does wonders)
Thank you again
With love from India
(PS lud in Bulgarian means insane and in Hungarian means goose)
The quote that always keeps me going. 😉
And for the icing, here’s a picture of my nephew.
Often I am asked about how I am so focused, productive and active, and I always tell people how easy it is to be focused, productive and active, You just gotta do “The most illogical thing to do” at that moment.The key here is to not listen to your body, instead forcing your body to do the opposite. (Obviously this won’t work in every scenario, but you can apply this in almost every situation where you feel angry, sad or lazy).
Easy three step process
- First think of how you are feeling right now, Is it sad, angry, lazy.
- Think of the most illogical thing you might want to do
- Just do it!
- Assume you are feeling angry, what you would feel like doing is getting angry on someone, using profanity or beating someone up, so the most illogical thing to do is not do either of these, you gotta force your brain and your body to not give in to anger.
- Second scenario, Assume it’s early morning you don’t want to get out of bed, you body tells you to relax and let time pass, don’t listen to your body, do what’s the most illogical thing, get up, storm the front, exercise, take shower.
There are plenty of similar scenarios in my life where my mind tells me to do things, but my body won’t cooperate, so I force it to cooperate.
At first your body will be like “No, this won’t happen, not in my reign”, but if you keep at it, It will soon obey all your wishes. Our body wants to be lazy, don’t let it have what it wants, you need to deprive it of comfort and push forward like there’s no tomorrow.
It took me months to master this process, But I am loving every bit of it.
This along with few religious rituals (religious rituals as in things you must do every day , like finishing something before you go to sleep.) will boost your productivity.
PS: Read Deep Work @ Amazon, it is a lovely book. thought don’t take in as is, adopt what you like, leave rest of the stuff out.
As my new life unfolds and my old one fades away (college sure was interesting :3) , I would like to link to an article I read recently.
(PS : I love raptitude, almost all of his posts hit me like a fucking truck, the language is so simple and effective.)
I would like you to take few minutes out of your busy schedule (pffft, everything is priorities is what I believe, but anyways) and read it.
Out of self-defense, many of us easily settle into scarcity thinking, finding a paradoxical sort of comfort in the idea that there’s never going to be quite enough of anything. We apply this basic idea to all the areas of our lives that matter: Doing what you love for a living is a pipe dream! All the good men are married already! This world is going straight to hell! The good jobs go to people with connections!
We’re always going to be dealing with real limitations in life, but we create a lot of suspiciously absolute beliefs to prevent ourselves from actually bumping up against these limitations. The fearful part of the mind knows you don’t have to have the experience of failure or disappointment as long as you believe trying is a waste of time.
I am midway through my life (considering my life expectancy to be < 50 😦 ), I have been through a lot, made many friends, few best friends (for whom I will do non-trivial sacrifices), been in and out of depression a lot. I finally think I am stable and free of regret from my past life.
I always regretted of
- Not being able to tell people how they have made a difference in my life
- Not being able to tell the person I liked, how much I liked her (missing text here)
- Not being able to appreciate what my parents and those dear to me(that includes my friends and everyone I missed) did for me, because of me being an idiot and naive (If you guys can forgive me for that please kindly do.)
- Not able to live in present and always worrying about the future. (what will happen will happen, This too shall pass ;)).
- Not being able to appreciate life, skills I have.
I never thought this day would come but now I am finally free, free of my regrets.
From now begins a new chapter in life, a new beginning.
Live in present, Go ahead and tell the person you like, how much you like her because there may not be any tomorrow.
oh here I am again, blabbering about my life ;), now
missing text here. Admiration doesn’t last long does it . 😛 , also I needed time off from my projects, programming and gaming so here I am to socialize with REAL PEOPLE.
turns out spending time with friends is fun, the headache i had for a while is gone, I hope i can enjoy the new year as well. I have done so many idiotic things to socialize.
I am late but a happy xmas and a Very Happy New year..
“*insert carol here * wish you merry Christmas wish you a merry Christmas and a very happy new year ;)”